The Tale of Sgt Taters

Even on the day I born, there was no doubt i was destined for greatness. I came out of the womb, a diamond pick axe in my hand, and they knew. THEY KNEW that the only limitations on this god send would be those of the world around him.

What are those limitations, you may be asking. Well, i have yet to find them. That isnt to say that i havent had to overcome obstacles however. My parents were, eccentric. My father was a bearded lady in a side show in Somalia. My mother, the strong man. That wanted me to join in their charade. They trained me to become a contortionist. to become one of them. But would someone as great, and magnificent as I, be held back in such a way? I sure didnt think so. So, at the tender age of three months, i left everything i knew to pursue my destiny, bringing only the clothes on my back and the same diamond pick i was born with. How long a journey it would be.

The first step was to get to america. The land of opportunity. I had no money, however, being only an infant. It seemed as if i had reached an dilemma. Distrought, i wandered down to the docks, as i often did, to think. Thats when I had a break through. I saw a group of pirates loading crates of cheese curds onto their ship, with large labels on the side that said "To America". It didnt take much to figure out what i had to do. I slipped, unnoticed into one of the crates. It was a long 3 months. My diet was suplemented only by cheese curds. It wasnt pretty, but i was there. I had made it to america.

Now it was time to start making a name for myself. First i needed a job. I was a smart kid (big surprise) and decided to take advantage of my only posession, the pick.I got a job in a coal mine in southern Pennsylvania. Ill never forget the first words my boss said when he saw me. "Hey look, over there!" he had said, as he pointed to me, amazed by my work. I had done in 3 minutes what it took a crew of 20 men to do in a month. Needless to say, i quickly worked my way up the ranks of the mine. I soon found myself in a position of power. A foreman. Everything was going great. Until one fateful day...

It started out normal. Punching in at 3 am, go to my office and oversee...things. then there was an odd sound. Like the rattling of a chain. Suddenly, there was a huge explosion, and smoke everywhere. Then, out of the smoke, i saw a beard. It was my mother and father! they had tracked me down over the past 6 months. They were prepared to "rescue" me, thinking i had been kidnapped. They would stop at nothing to get me. Naturally, i had expected this, and quietly slipped into my built in escape pod. Where did it lead? Thats right, the only place they would never look for me. Canada.

But i could never go back into the mining business. It would be to obvious. Life became hard. I began drinking heavily. I was reduced to begging on the street. I made a surpisingly decent living. But, i had no self control. Every dollar i made would be spent on eggs, which i would proceed to throw at people, to seemingly so end. This carried on for 16 long years. Begging, buying, throwing. A vicious cycle.

Then it all changed. One day i was picking up my eggs at the Geigmfack market, and i heard 4 familiar words. "Hey look over there!". I whipped around to see my old boss, in canada on vacation. He had good, no terrific news. He had come across a nearly true to life mining simulator by the name of minecraft. He instantly made me an admin, remembering my never say die mentality. the game would never be the same. I crushed griefers who threatened the peace of the server, and did my best to help the residents of the server who were in need.

I am great. i am kind. I am ruthless. I am Sgt Taters.


But seriously, im pretty laid back. need anything, ask me. Chances are i'll help you out. Enjoy the server.

LOL, Wtf is this taters XD. Your imagination knows no bounds...

as always, raising the bar.

Lol. It was late. I was bored. And there may or may not have been strippers involved.

SgtTater wrote:Lol. It was late. I was bored. And there may or may not have been strippers involved.

I'm gonna guess they were male....

No actually there werent any. I just wanted to add more depth to the answer. But i was in a church. i dont know how or why.

this needs to be up